Thursday, September 4, 2008

I Wanna Be a Spy


So I just had this dream where I was a spy in Egypt, I think, and I had all these awesome machine guns and silencers and rocket launchers and shit and I had to sleep with this female spy from the other side to get information and then I got a bunch of the other spies to turn to my side and it was awesome. How do you become a spy? Do you have to major in FBI/CIA in college, cause from what I just learned from my dream, I'm really good at it and its really fun. At 31, is it too late for me to become a spy? Why did I major in Economics? stupid, STUPID! I really shoulda gone for spy. I wonder if my parents would have been pissed if I had told them that I wanted to study international espionage. I mean, they would probably have been pretty psyched about the "study" part, but the whole "never gonna see you again cause my identity has to be erased to protect national security" thing would have been a little bitter sweet.
What do spies get paid annually? Do you think they break six figures. They should, they deserve it. But what would they spend all that money on? I mean if your a really good spy, you couldn't buy a house, cause then the bad guys would know where you live, and of course having a family is out of the question. I'm pretty sure the government pays for the sports cars and martinis, so whats left? Hookers? Nah, shit, I forgot, your already a spy and who gets more tail than spies? Nobody, thats who. Maybe they invest for their retirement? I don't know if spies retire though. It seems kinda risky since super villains tend to hold grudges and they would probably send some henchmen to pop a cap in your 75 year old ass while your golfing in Florida or some shit, and that would suck.
I think we might be totally over paying all these spies, since according to my calculations, their cost of living is slim to nill, besides maybe the occasional pack of gum, which the government would probably reimburse them for anyways cause you really cant spy with bad breath.

1 comment:

Bob Hall said...

Dude, this blog was one of the funniest i've read. the only thing i would add is photos.