Monday, October 20, 2008

Lyle Gorch

Do you guys know this guy Lyle Gorch? I mean, what's with this guy? So this guy has been trying to get all up in my business lately and I'm like, what the fuck guy? What's your deal, buddy? This Gorch guy seems to be pretty obsessed with my buddy/enemy Bob Hall over at The Daily Duffy. I'm thinkin maybe he's even a little gay for him or something, not Tom Cruise gay for him but maybe like this kinda gay:
Which is just fine with me. I'm not about to judge Mr. Gorch if he's into drinking gasoline and getting it on with old dudes like Mr. Hall. Thats cool, to each their own, and it just means more chicks for guys like me and Jay-Z. I just don't see why he's all hating on me. Maybe he's jealous of my friendship/enemyship with Bob Hall? Dude, if thats the case, Bobby is all yours, Lyle. I never really liked the guy that much anyway, I just thought it was cool that he was a spy and then realized that it was lame cause he is such a shitty spy. I don't even hang out with him that much anymore cause his house is really getting that "old manny" smell pretty bad and that totally grosses me out cause I dont know what causes it accept maybe its just what the irrepressible advent of death smells like.
So I googled old Lyle Gorch and guess what I found? Turns out he's a "hilarious cowboy vampire." And what's more I found a photo of him in his vampiric form:

I'm not sure who that chick is, but if I had to guess I would say its either a vampire-hooker or his mom, who is also a hooker, and probably a vampire too.
I also found this picture too. I'm pretty sure thats Lyle there on the right (non-vampire) and his buddy Carl on the left.

If I'm not mistaken, this is a handsome shot of Lyle's other cohort, Jimmy, who is clearly drinking his favorite beverage, gasoline:
He's probably smiling like that cause the octane is really starting to kick in.
If you guys see any of these three dudes (or the vampire-hooker, for that matter) I highly suggest you cross to the other side of the street, but if you can stand the smell of gas and squirrel feces long enough to get a word in, can you just ask these guys, "hey guys, what's up? What's the deal? Why you gotta be all hating on my guy Tyler Brown?" Probably don't ask the vampire-hooker anything, though, cause she will probably bite you and try to drink your blood but then still make you pay for the blow job she gave you.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

A Letter to Mr. Hall

Dear Bob Hall @ The Daily Duffy,
Hey guy. Whats up, buddy? I just wanted to say I think you're a really sweet spy, and I totally believed you were that gay douche Tom Cruise for a while. Sweet spying dude! (Also, incase Tom Cruise is an even better spy than he is an actor and he is now pretending to be Bob Hall pretending to be Tom Cruise before, then:
Hey bro,
I still dig you're wife's boobs, they really, really, really are sweet, but I'm pretty sure you are gay so you probably don't dig them as much as I do since they are not cock and all. Don't worry guy, I'll dig them enough for the both of us. Any way, that Bob Hall is a pretty shitty spy, huh? Yeah, fuck him. So yeah, gotta run, give your wife's left one (or Bridgett, as I call it) a little tweak for me but maybe don't make any more kids cause I think that might be a bad call for our society (unless your unborn son is going to star in the sweet-ass version of Top Gun 2, cause that would be rad).
Chillin' like Bob Dylan,
Killin' like penicillin,
Tyler Howard Brown
So Bob, what spy school did you go to, and as an alum, do you have any pull, maybe hook a brother up? Cause I would love to be able to spy like you. Maybe an internship or some shit? How bout starting me on some local tester mission, like swiping some paper's off Gavin Newsom's desk or some shit. I think I could handle that, I don't think that shitstain has any secret service or anything, so I'd be cool. Also Bob, have you seen this movie "The Gift?" Oh man, there is this one part where Katie Holmes totally shows her cans and that is a really good scene in that movie. Probably the best scene in that movie, and its a really good movie cause of that scene. Any way, rent it or get it on On-Demand or some shit and pause that part for a bit. So yeah, and any help on the spy tip would be sweet too, and I hope the gonorrhea you got from raping that chicken in Tijuana has cleared up. That shit looked like it must have itched like fuck.

Peace in the Middle East,
and stay black and on the attack.
Tyler "T-Bone" Brown