Monday, October 20, 2008

Lyle Gorch

Do you guys know this guy Lyle Gorch? I mean, what's with this guy? So this guy has been trying to get all up in my business lately and I'm like, what the fuck guy? What's your deal, buddy? This Gorch guy seems to be pretty obsessed with my buddy/enemy Bob Hall over at The Daily Duffy. I'm thinkin maybe he's even a little gay for him or something, not Tom Cruise gay for him but maybe like this kinda gay:
Which is just fine with me. I'm not about to judge Mr. Gorch if he's into drinking gasoline and getting it on with old dudes like Mr. Hall. Thats cool, to each their own, and it just means more chicks for guys like me and Jay-Z. I just don't see why he's all hating on me. Maybe he's jealous of my friendship/enemyship with Bob Hall? Dude, if thats the case, Bobby is all yours, Lyle. I never really liked the guy that much anyway, I just thought it was cool that he was a spy and then realized that it was lame cause he is such a shitty spy. I don't even hang out with him that much anymore cause his house is really getting that "old manny" smell pretty bad and that totally grosses me out cause I dont know what causes it accept maybe its just what the irrepressible advent of death smells like.
So I googled old Lyle Gorch and guess what I found? Turns out he's a "hilarious cowboy vampire." And what's more I found a photo of him in his vampiric form:

I'm not sure who that chick is, but if I had to guess I would say its either a vampire-hooker or his mom, who is also a hooker, and probably a vampire too.
I also found this picture too. I'm pretty sure thats Lyle there on the right (non-vampire) and his buddy Carl on the left.





If I'm not mistaken, this is a handsome shot of Lyle's other cohort, Jimmy, who is clearly drinking his favorite beverage, gasoline:
He's probably smiling like that cause the octane is really starting to kick in.
If you guys see any of these three dudes (or the vampire-hooker, for that matter) I highly suggest you cross to the other side of the street, but if you can stand the smell of gas and squirrel feces long enough to get a word in, can you just ask these guys, "hey guys, what's up? What's the deal? Why you gotta be all hating on my guy Tyler Brown?" Probably don't ask the vampire-hooker anything, though, cause she will probably bite you and try to drink your blood but then still make you pay for the blow job she gave you.

1 comment:

Lyle Gorch said...

Tyler.

What the fuck dude? Just cause you found a picture of my moms (she ain't no vampire and that ain't me with her -- that's her brother Kyle, you dumbass! What the fuck. can't yous spell? -- and a few pictures of Carl and Jimmy -- the too cool dudes with the ears -- and Carl and Jimmy's dad -- he maid like $500 bucks selling them overalls he invented at the county fair for the past three years dickhead! -- that dont meen shit.

You no why, fag? Cause you don't know shit!
You do no somthing though -- you and me gots a problem. You keep fucking with Mr. Hall, so I going to fuck with you!
But I do think that me, you and Mr. Hall could be friends and shit, if we all hung out.
I meen, you like shooting squirrels and rats and shit right? I think we should go do that sometimes soon. we don't even have to weight till squirrel season starts.
You could come on down to my town -- Mr. Hall is already here. We sold that baby crib and gots him a mattress. You to could share that mattress -- its barely brand new. Jimy and me got it from this dude how sold cotton candy at this carnival we was at.

Who does that sound, Tyler?

Your pal,

Lyle Gorch

P.S. There ain't no reason to bring a gun, cause we got you covered on that. We don't want nothging to happen to you till after you get here.
Also, have you ever been tyid up to a tree? If so, who much rope did it take? Just wondering -- its a game me and Jimmy always plays, asking eech other shit like that. Like, who much candy corn and gas could you get down tonite. You no, shit like that.