Saturday, November 29, 2008

A letter to the Greys

Dear guys,
What's happening?  How's life up in the mother ship?  You guys remember the other night when I was shining that big flash light up into the sky and sending you a message in a version of morris code that I just made up as I went along?  Well I am writing you now cause I got a little worried when you guys didn't respond to my made up morris code flash light message.  Is everything ok?  Were you guys just too busy mutilating cattle or anal-probing trailer park people in the mid west or some shit?  Just kidding, I know you guys learned all you need to know about the insides of our butts already.
So how's shit going back at your home planet in Zeta Reticula?  Do you guys get back there often, or do you mostly chill out at your base on the moon or in the bases the government built for you in the mountains in Utah and Nevada and shit?  Those all sound like pretty sweet digs.  How's the whole DNA manipulation thing going?  Have you guys figured out how to save your soles yet.  I sure hope so.  Made any sweet human/grey mutant babies lately?  Email me a picture if you have.  So I gotta run, write me back when you have a sec.
Peace in the middle east,
and stay black and on the attack.
Tyler H Brown

P.S.  Could you guys please just email me back and not come to me in the middle of the night while I'm asleep, cause that shit sounds scary as fuck, unless maybe you guys could disguise your selves as some super hot and horny chicks who really wanna do it, cause that would be super cool.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Future Mobsters

Oh man, so last night I had this sweet-ass dream that I was in the future mafia at this lake with this futuristic building next to it and in the future, guns were super illegal so we had these really bad-ass squirt guns that shot this mace-like fluid.
The part that sucked, though, was that all us future mobsters had totally gotten used to being sprayed with the mace-like shit, so we would just run around and shoot each other in the face and it would sting a little but nobody ever really made any ground in our future mob war.  Thats when I came up with a great idea.  I went up to the leader of the other mob and I was like, "dude, lets combine our forces and become one big mob and then get some real guns and just dominate this future land."  He was totally down with that idea, but thats when I woke up.  I have to assume that we did, infact, dominate that future land hardcore cause I mean come on, that was a really good idea.
I'm not a violent guy, but I do like guns.  They're fun.  Whether its squirt, bb or real-deal, its super fun to shoot shit.  I really enjoy plinking cans and annihilating targets with my bb gun in the backyard.  I'm a great shot.  I sure am glad though that I don't have to use one for my job, like a cop or a soldier, cause that would just suck cause you would have to shoot at people and if you missed they would totally shoot at you and if you gottem' real good, then they would be dead and killing someone must be a lot to deal with.  The only jobs that I would like to have that involve using a gun would be future mobster and, of course, spy.  I mean, as a future mobster you probably would never really have to shoot anybody since everyone else would just have those weak-ass squirt guns with the mace-shit, and I bet you could just shoot your real gun in the air or maybe by there feet and they would be so totally scared that they would do what ever you wanted them to.  As everybody knows, as a spy, you really only have to kill super-villains, who really do deserve to die anyway, and even sometimes when you think you've killed them, you find out years later that infact no, no they weren't really dead at all and that they have been plotting their revenge the whole time (muhahaha!).  God, I hate super-villains.