Thursday, April 16, 2009


So the coolest animal on the planet is called the Razorsnake. Thats right, one word, RAZORSNAKE! Razorsnakes like to fight black panthers for fun and have been known to devour entire blue whales in one sitting. Thats right, Razorsnakes sit when they eat. The venom of Razorsnakes can melt through flesh and bone and steal and burns at a temperature 5,000 times hotter than the sun! If you were to look into the eye of a Razorsnake, your soul would explode instantaneously. The meat of a Razorsnake is so delicious that your tongue would shrivel up and die after you tasted it cause its so fucking good that you would never want to taste anything again, but only super heros and maybe Zeus could catch a Razorsnake, so you'll just have to take my word for it. Yes, Razorsnakes do have chrome scales that are often used to blind their foes with their shininess. When a Razorsnake hisses, it sounds like a thousand heavy metal guitars screaming at satan. Razorsnakes don't lay eggs, the explode into 100 baby Razorsnakes when they want to reproduce. Razorsnakes urinate cold beer. Razorsnakes make surprisingly good pets, and are great with children. If I ever make my own country, our nation animal will be the Razorsnake! Fuck bald eagles. Also, our national anthem would be mostly about Razorsnakes and would feature Jay-Z. Our national color would be Razorsnake and our flags would always be burning cause they would have pictures of Razorsnakes on them, and pictures of Razorsnakes make shit burn.